Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
