strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
