I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
