I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
A bitchslap is in order.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
