I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I woke up under a house in Key West
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