I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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