we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
