Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
