even my farts smell like vagina
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My pussy is not your playground.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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