She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
