I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My balls are so social today.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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