cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
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