3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
there is puke in my bra ... again
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
