ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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