Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
