god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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