remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
