ADVERTISEMENT

• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  that girl last night was a 15

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  wait she was 15?

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  no like black jack not sure if you should hit it

  Fav 52 4538 1299

  share tweet
  

• (239): View more from Florida

  they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application

  Fav 7 3893 1173

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.

  Fav 11 1436 4150

  share tweet
  

• (704): View more from North Carolina

  He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.

  Fav 32 6243 3971

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"

  Fav 4 2928 994

  share tweet
  

• (455): View more from

  As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."

  Fav 10 860 2443

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (801): View more from Utah

  That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.

  Fav 7 745 1116

  share tweet
  

• (818): View more from California

  Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.

  Fav 9 1614 731

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.

  Fav 3 621 1096

  share tweet
  

• (561): View more from Florida

  But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain

  Fav 0 696 523

  share tweet
  

• (406): View more from Montana

  I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist

  Fav 0 938 606

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?

  Fav 3 472 760

  share tweet
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.

  Fav 3 326 181

  share tweet
  

• (507): View more from Minnesota

  It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.

  Fav 5 18 55

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night

  Fav 0 41 3

  share tweet
  

Randomize