hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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