tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
