And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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