just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
