i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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