The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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