She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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