I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize