you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
