ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
