First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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