when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
