my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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