am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How does one acquire holy water?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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