i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
