This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize