I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
