32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
