hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
