ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
