I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
