Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
