Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
