this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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