we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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