turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
