u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
