You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize