I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
