White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
