hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
