Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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