he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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