At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
BRING THE BAGELS
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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