My brain says no but my pants say off.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
