Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
