I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
