My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
