I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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