yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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