apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize