Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
