I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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