I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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