i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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