it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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