my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
