bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
