he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
