; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
