He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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