I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
what day is it and did you see me today?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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